I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
