Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
