this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
