i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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