they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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