I am full of burrito and curiosity
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
