im about as happy as oj after his trial
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And then he peed in my hair
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