wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
