so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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