If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
