I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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