The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
