I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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