so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
