i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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