it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
