You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
