i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dicks are not precious.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
