i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
