you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
