How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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