is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
