**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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