Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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