Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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