True but thats because hes a fetus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
