dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
