Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
