nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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