Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
