My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
