Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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