dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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