it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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