I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
