She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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