is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
