apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
