I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
