I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
