the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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