Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
