Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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