Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
