One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
