he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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