Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
