apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
