We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
