you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
