dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
