I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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